Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
By Karl Augustine
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is
serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage,
that's only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good
about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness,
confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you
just figure out why you're in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real
reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be
thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: "We both work too much!":
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are
skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the 'new' economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like
roommates if both parties have 'time-consuming' careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for
people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: "You work, I stay home with the kid/s!":
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is
equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly
disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend
"post work" functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for
relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be
underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work
The spouse with the career may say at times, "Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our
family, etc.". The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, "You have another release, you
have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time
for myself.". If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more
than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage
was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: "I don't know why...there's just no spark left, you don't pay enough attention to me and our
sex life and I guess I don't either!":
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional
scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both
parties because both parties aren't happy sexually but don't really know why it ended up this way. Both parties
have just "let things go" and didn't place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and
of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?
Sometimes there's a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both
parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time.
It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital
love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal
responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there's certainly more types than listed here), remember that it
is not unrecoverable. If you're to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage,
take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you've lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that
occurred. If you don't know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did 'have the spark' and
recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has
changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking
the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your
relationship, you can.
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